jh by awesomeman12345

Review by Frostedge

[Played late at night, in a dark room with creepy music turned on. The ambience was set. I was ready for horror.]
Well, the sanity system’s got me interested, so I’m curious as to how this’ll work out.

The first mistake I spot is the atrocious English. Capital letters are missing everywhere; periods are lacking where they shouldn’t and at times are overused to the point of meaninglessness, alongside the lack of question marks. This is the first page I’m presented with, and it’s a horrible first impression. (For all the wrong reasons.)

Anyway, you’re telling the player to look at their stats frequently to see how they’re doing, though the stats only appear when the author decides you’re allowed to look at them. A bit silly, don’t you think?

There is this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that this was supposed to be a Text Adventure, not a Gamebook, judging from the way you’re allowing us to choose. When I decided to look at the tools, the game literally SCREAMS at me that I can only hold 3 items unless I obtained the backpack.
Logic-defying Question #1: Why could I only carry three items, surely I can jam a small camera, a tazer and a note in the pockets of my pants and have room to spare, or is the character dressed in a one-piece leotard?
Logic-defying Question #2: How do all these items take up the same amount of space? A small note can be easily crammed into my pocket, besides another object. How come it takes up the same room an object like a camera or Taser does?

I then looked at the screen, where the character saw the milk department covered in blood. His reaction? “This is going to be a long night.” How is the character not completely flipping out yet? I’m pretty sure that if I saw any area of a warehouse that had blood near it, I’d be calling the cops first, and then a therapist if there’s time in the day.

Anyway, we leave the safety of the security room only to then be forced back into the security room again. Then apparently, insanity happens. Some very not-scary and nonsensical voice starts to type scary laughter in Caps Lock, which is not scary. Want to make it scary? Cause an event to take place the player has no control over. Make the laughter appear on a timer script to really freak people out.
I subsequently lost sanity, causing my sanity points to drop to 500/100. Yes, I have 5 times the sanity of a normal human, I guess this extreme mental fortitude explains why the character didn’t flip out when he saw the blood.

Our sociopathic genius then decides that he needs to get to the bottom of this, despite having just encountered the equivalent of a demon ghost child. I clicked “Kick down door” after which the character readied his Taser, I had to click “Kick door” again to actually kick the darn thing down, as if my previous order wasn’t enough of an incentive, and the character just needed to be reassured. I obtained a phone, and then the wall of text appeared.

After that? Absolutely nothing. No way to continue the game, just a dead end with no options available. We have learned nothing, achieved nothing, and hopefully this story will be removed and returned to nothing.
I was considering playing some of your other games, but honestly, if it’s going to be like this, I simply won’t bother. Or maybe I will, just to see how much effort you put into this compared to the others.
Improve your English, improve your writing skill, test your games properly, and by Jove, improve your game design logic.

Review by SivD1

It makes me truly sad to trash someone, but I feel it necessary. This story is just... Poor. I understand what you are trying to do, but it just doesn't work. You give us the option to use a camera to save our sanity points, but you don't give us the option to use it when we need it most! The writing is... below average. Though not the worst that I have read, I can't get behind the non-sensual plot, and no, this was not scary. There were no choices whatsoever and the story just ends all of a sudden.

No onto what I think about your activity on this website. I can easily tell that you are young (probably aged between 10-13), based on your writing, along with your reviews on other users stories. You gave others bad reviews after they gave yours honest ones, and justified your score with no logical explanation "dull is bad". I recommend you take a step back and take a moment to think. If you don't like others writing negative review on YOUR stories (which you should accept nonetheless, it's called "constructive criticism", search it up, then don't go on other people's stories and bash them "put more than 30 minutes of work next time".

Now if you post some form of negative review or comment on my stories, with no justifiable reason, I will have to report you, similar to how I reported an other user who also couldn't take criticism. Anyways, I hope you've learned from this, and I hope I won't see this behaviour again.